195 | Healing Grief through Ritual & Embodied Practice with Bernadette Pleasant
Image of Bernadette Pleasant, the guest for episode 195 of the Awarepreneurs Podcast
Our guest on the pod this week is Bernadette Pleasant. Bernadette is an entrepreneur, author, thought leader and unstoppable badass committed to helping you discover your Primal and Higher Self. She is the Founder of The Emotional Institute and the Creator of Femme!, a mind-body wellness program and 400 Years, a somatic based anti-racism program.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
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Bernadette Pleasant Healing Grief through Ritual & Embodied Practice Awarepreneurs Interview
SPEAKERS
Paul Zelizer, Bernadette Pleasant
Paul Zelizer 00:01
Hi, this is Paul Zelizer, and welcome to another episode of the Awarepreneurs Podcast. This podcast is all about the intersection of three things, conscious business, social impact, and awareness practice. Each episode, I do a deep dive interview with a thought leader in this intersection, someone who has market tested experience and is already transforming many lives. Before I introduce today's guest, on our topic, I have one request. If you could go over to iTunes or whatever app you're listening to the show on and do a rating and review and hit the subscribe button. It helps tremendously. Thank you so much. Today, I'm thrilled to introduce you to burn that pleasant. And our topic is healing grief through ritual and embodied practice. The burner is an entrepreneur, an author, thought leader, and unstoppable badass committed to helping you discover your primal and higher self. She's the founder of the emotional Institute, and creator of a mind body wellness program, and 400 years of somatic based anti racism program. Welcome to the show, Bernadette. Oh, Paul, thank you so much for having me, it's a pleasure to be here, we got a lot to talk about, you've been busy.
Bernadette Pleasant 01:12
It's been a potent Time
Paul Zelizer 01:14
sure hasn't moved forward to get into your work and who you work with and how you've grown these multiple amazing offerings that you have, were called Awarepreneurs.. And one of the ways we like to get to know somebody is to ask you about a wellness or an awareness practice that you personally use, to bring your most resorts self to is really important, but not always very easy work.
Bernadette Pleasant 01:37
Oh my gosh, the body I stay connected to my body. I noticed when I am not. I'm scattered. And so what I do is I do, I'm deeply aware of the need to stretch and to do so slowly. So as to be melting away. That layer that builds on the fascia during our sleep, and rest. So I slow stretch, I linger. And I'm doing it right now I linger in these, what might look like poses but it's stretching and doing so slowly. And to literally move throughout all of my body as often as possible. Staying in motion in some way to deeply connect with the wisdom of my body while taking care of it. moving slowly and stretching.
Paul Zelizer 02:44
This theme of embodied practices is one of the things I was really excited to unpack with you and since you started there, let's just go there. So listeners you might remember if you've listened to this podcast for a while in high school, I was the co-captain of my high school football and lacrosse teams. Like I'm an embody being. This morning I ran 10 miles along the Rio Grande in New Mexico place that burn that night both care about and will share well we've New Mexico into this right like being in the mountains and doing practice that are include the body they never made sense to me that somehow that spiritual and bodies can't be in the same sentence like no, that's not a thing. Right? So this deep, caring commitment and dedication to embodied practice. Like where does that come from?
Bernadette Pleasant 03:35
Well, I think our bodies scream for it. I think whether we are paying attention and listening is another story. But where does it come from? I mean, for you personally, for me, where does it come from? It comes from this you know, I, I noticed a need for it. It I can't say that I saw this growing up. Yes, I saw. I came from people who are movers and dancers and things like that, but it was more as a source of enjoyment, which is fantastic. But for me, I noticed my own need certainly comes from something within an awareness and an appreciation for what my body has to say about something or how my body feels about a particular situation or thought. when something comes in, I become not only aware than present to what I am thinking or information that I might have gathered from book knowledge, but I'm aware deeply aware of what is happening, the sensations and what is my body responding to I think that's, in my opinion, a holistic approach. of coming to anything is, what is my body's wisdom saying to this? Is it saying? Yes, I'll have more of that or Oh, not that or, you know? Yeah, that that's definitely what comes to mind. It's, it's definitely something I've learned to appreciate.
Paul Zelizer 05:23
Beautiful. And one of the things that I was really excited to have you bring and to share and to ask you about burning out like, you walk in this intersection of really deep personal and spiritual development work. And social context works like your anti racism program, like in so often there's like a divide there, can we just say the wellness industry is pretty much sucked at paying attention to issues of oppression and trauma and intergenerational exclusion, and genocide and racism. And all the things like wellness is just sucked at it. Right. And sometimes, my activists, impact social entrepreneurs or, like, forget about the inner and self care and wellness and we burn ourselves out and die young and help everybody but ourselves and don't take care of our families, etc, etc. And you've been interested and walking with both feet and both of those worlds for decades, like, how did you start to say there's something really interesting right in that intersection? You
Bernadette Pleasant 06:36
know, it takes a it takes coming to it, it wasn't, it wasn't overnight, I definitely think my way into some things. And I noticed when ever I'd done that, it has not been a good idea. It did not go well. And that's even from creating businesses or making decisions, I it, I would look at something and think, and I'll use the example of racism, I look at something and think, well, maybe if this were done, or if this book were read, or if people could come to this understanding. And I would think about a way to make that happen. But what what's happening in my body was a bit of a recoil, because there was, there was a there was fear. There was it's not enough, it's not vulnerable enough. It's, it's not telling the Absolute Truth. What comes to mind is being in a boardroom, and back in my corporate days when we would solve a problem or come about a problem. But we weren't thinking about the people. We were thinking about how to make more money, or how to bring in more. And we certainly did that. But it came at a great cost. Because the the whole of who we were impacting wasn't brought to the picture. And therefore, yes, we may have done something, but we didn't do it in a sustainable way that made for real change and help to change minds. And so as it pertains to racism, what came to me was a level of vulnerability and understanding that was going to be needed in order to get to something that was meaningful, and it didn't, it didn't line up on a on a spreadsheet. It wasn't something that you could quantify in heart numbers, this was definitely this felt and lived experience that needed to be poured into something to help to affect minds, because they now had some information. And so I found that when I that intersection of Yes, bring the knowledge, bring the lived experience, bring the body so that
09:43
true
Bernadette Pleasant 09:44
understanding could be made. And I want to give like concrete examples of what that means because I think it's important when I create it 400 years, though, even the way came about. It was shortly after George fluids murder. And I was getting a lot of phone calls from clients and friends and people, white people who were saying I want I didn't know and I'm, what can I do. And I could hear such Nxd in their voice, such tightness, and they wanted to go and fix. And I could hear, I could also hear their beautiful hearts and what they wanted to impact. But I couldn't pay attention to just their words, I was noticing their bodies were certainly not prepared to go and do something. They couldn't attack this big problem in that kind of fight mode. Because it's it's been a long time coming, why the program is named for 100 years. This is generational learning. And so what was needed to impact this, I thought was merely coming together. without shame and with understanding and explaining, sharing stories and talking about things. I didn't think another statistic of what hasn't work
11:41
was
Bernadette Pleasant 11:43
you know, just throwing lots of information. And lots of bad history was the only way we can deal with this. I think that's been done. It's like, what else can we do? That really makes for meaningful change. And I brought those elements into it, bro, those elements into it, including that have taken care of myself, and not feeling like I needed to do this program alone. So I asked for help. I invited others to come in and help me create this container. And I'm so grateful to have done that. So it was it's it's so many things and yet they're actually the simplest and easiest things, but they're the things that get pushed out. No, I can't do that or not that I need it to look this way. And I decided I didn't care what it looked like I cared that meaningful change was being made that will impact my grandson's lives.
Paul Zelizer 12:46
Beautiful. He said something burning that that just kind of like landed in my body. You said their bodies weren't ready. Yeah, their bodies weren't ready and, and I had this flash and I've told this story on this podcast before listeners. But when I was in high school, it was a Halloween time my family grew up Jewish in a mostly pretty waspy neighborhood in Westchester County, not far from Martha's store 1015 minutes down the road. So if you picture Martha Stewart you got to send so where I grew up, PepsiCo world headquarters and IBM, like all in that region. And it was a Halloween and became we woke up the next morning and there was a swastika painted on our house. And through the just channels that one sort of, you know, tries to figure out what just happened here turns out that it was somebody that I knew was it quite a friend like warm and Queens who would paint into the swastika in our house. And there's, there's certain embodied experience that that comes from being like, you know, in a situation where like, you know, I grew up with never again and our elders kind of preparing us literally from the moment we were like, in third grade or something like that. I remember watching, you know, Holocaust movies, and they started preparing us for what never again meant and how we were being groomed as leaders in a culture that had had horrific experiences of what it meant to prepare the next generation to be ready to speak up and speak out and take on heart issues from a very young age. I literally remember having those conversations at third grade it might have started earlier than that. There's something that happens to being in a body that has been prepared and then there's something that happens to a being in a body that's had the benefit of privilege and blinders and not seeing and then have something like George Floyd. Murder be, you know, right there for everybody to watch exactly what happened with no filter of somebody explaining the story to us, right? And when you said their bodies weren't ready, I just had this flash of like, Oh, that's right. Not everybody's elders start when they're in second or third grade. Like, there's really hard things in the world. And it's your generations job is being part of a person of integrity, to be prepared to address these things as best, you know, how, as opposed to part of the culture that puts on blinders and doesn't address these things. And not Can you say more about their bodies weren't ready. And, and this idea of whether it's healing grief for addressing racism, the way you use ritual and embodied practice to help people be able to be present with hard things that maybe historically, people that more look like me, aren't very good and aren't very prepared for. There's a way in which you're using ritual and embodied practice to help people be able to show up in a way that maybe they haven't known how to do before. Is that fair to say?
Bernadette Pleasant 16:07
it is fair to say and, Paul, thank you so much. For that example. I'm so sorry that that thing happened. And I want to just take you back there just for a moment when you say, you know this thing that happened, and this was a painted on the house. Imagine how your body feels when you see that thing? Like, I'm not sure what came up for you. And I don't I don't want to steer it. But can you describe the emotions you felt seeing it?
16:40
Sure.
Paul Zelizer 16:43
It was one of my first memories. I was like, in middle school or late elementary school. I don't remember exactly when it was, but it was one of my first memories of like, Oh, this isn't just something that happened in the history books, right. anti semitism is alive. And this is what they've been trying to explain to us. So there was both, you know, deep SAT, like, really, I know this guy, right? Like, I go to school with this guy, we play sports together. And like our friends, like, like, this is not some stranger, this is a person of connection, who I would say hi to and shake his hand or, you know, do whatever boys do in sixth grade or eighth grade or whatever, you were right, punch each other shoulder, or whatever we do to say hi, you're alert, like connected here. So it was it was both sadness. It was a little bit of like, ah, right, whatever that emotion is. Yeah. That's what they meant. And then there was just some just anger like, fuck this guy. Right? Like, like, you know, wait a second here. You think it's just a Halloween prank to put a swastika on and the like one of the only Jewish people in the neighborhood house like fuck you, buddy. Like, you're supposed to be in my crew. What What is this? So some weird constellation of like deep grief and sadness that this is a continuing experience. A little bit of like, shock like, wait, oh, this is not just then this is now this is this is real time. And my you know, a bit of righteous indignation, like, you know, fuck this, nobody should have to deal with this.
18:33
Absolutely.
Bernadette Pleasant 18:34
Thank you so much for that. And I use I go there because someone else, another Jewish person, someone who who got the same stories that you did wrote, get growing up, feels that as well. And so you you relate to each other? You can relate at a glance, you don't even it doesn't even have to be spoken. You kind of know that thing.
Paul Zelizer 19:03
My girlfriend's a Latina. Do we just look at each other? And y'all if it's one of those, right,
Bernadette Pleasant 19:08
totally. And so what was important to me is that, for someone who would do this thing, they there they don't understand, necessarily, or perhaps they do. But the point is, there's a, there's a thing that happens in your body that you when you see this thing, and unless we start to, but there's also something happening in the body of the person who's doing the thing. And if we don't, if we leave out these body awarenesses we can learn things that something isn't right. But we need to notice what's happening in our bodies. I want to be sure I answered the question. What comes to mind is an example. A story I live in in a suburban town in New Jersey and 1/4 of July. And I just think it's really quite interesting that it was on Independence Day. We were having friends over for food. And we're preparing and my grandson, and a friend of his who who's over, want to go play basketball about a block and a half away from the house. And it's it's a school courtyard, right near the elementary school courtyard. And the kids asked, you know, can we go play ball, and his friend is white, and my grandson isn't. And yes, of course, these are kids who love basketball, they are 15 years old, by all means they need to go on down the street and play ball. However, I noticed I was just aware of the ease in his mother's body, that her son was just off to play ball. I also noticed what happens for me and my daughter, my daughter is this is her son, our awareness gets heightened. We're listening for a block and a half, we are aware of the time
21:23
we are
Bernadette Pleasant 21:25
making sure he has his phone when he leaves. We are concerned about his safety and how others will view this kid just because of his skin. So for us, it's not a trip to go play basketball is not just that, and all I could think about as we were eating our you know, potato salad and food for this particular day that it's digesting differently. We are not having the same experience. Our what is happening in our body is there's fear, there's concern, there's worry, there's hope. But there are other things present for us the food is not being digested the same because of what is a reality. The fact that he had to we have to be sure he has his phone that it is on that it is charged that ours is on that the ringer is on. These are extras that others don't have to do. I wish we didn't have to. So when I when people started to call me and say I want to do something. Yes, I want you to get I want you to learn something I want you to under understand this problem, but I need you to understand it in a way I need to bring you in to the physical experience, which means being vulnerable on my part to share the stories to share how, you know when I had a bridal salon in New York City and two of my sales people were white, how people would approach them as the owner of the shop, how they would get embarrassed because I was their boss. But I would just kind of tell him let it go. Because it wasn't all I cared about at the time was the cell. And I would say it's not important for me to broadcast that I'm the owner. I also knew how to do that sort of calculation to see if if it would impact the sale. I often had to swallow. What other shop owners, my white counterparts did not have to do their things. So we're not starting at the same place. And if that isn't understood, if that isn't understood, we have nothing to build on. When people would say things to me like you know, we just need to work hard. Yeah, no, you don't. We're not starting at the same place to work hard. And and if that isn't understood, how can you be an ally for me? How can you go out there? If you don't know my experience? How can you? How can you fight for me? So it's important to me and unlearning racism, to tell the stories to make it where you're I need to be vulnerable in a way that lets you into what I am feeling and unders experiencing. And that's what I do and 400 years we share very vulnerably just so that we create understanding so that when someone says I want to be an ally or I'm an ally, they are actually Representing something that they that they may not have known. It's not book knowledge, this is my lived experience, you're not going to find in that book, that my data salad is not being digested the same, you need to hear my experience.
Paul Zelizer 25:20
As I was listening, Bernadette, thank you for sharing those stories. And as I was listening, I was really trying to pay attention with my full being my full body and really aware of the different sensations of what, you know, a parent, a mom and a grandma worried about a 15 year old playing basketball, right, like just walking to the not even playing just walking to the court. Or what that might have been like for you, as the shop owner. Somebody just completely weighing their story and version of reality onto a situation was completely inaccurate. And what that would be like to happen over and over and over again, I can. Yeah, it was very palpable, as you were describing it, and I hadn't listened in that way before. So I, I thank you for that, too. I'm going to be taken up in a weight listening with my whole body, not just like all my ears, but listening with all myself, I'm going to take that away from this interview.
Bernadette Pleasant 26:26
Yeah, it makes a difference. It actually just sort of lets us see people. I mean, everybody wants to be seen and heard everybody, and everyone deserves that. And I think in order to be compassionate, we literally have to find that that childlike way of listening and being being curious and and with that beginner's mind to things, so that we can rather than see through a particular filter, question the filter, is it real? Is that the case? Can I ask questions. And for me, it's important to take care of myself, because being that level of vulnerability
27:20
is
Bernadette Pleasant 27:22
it's raw, it's, it's raw and excruciating, in a way. And because there was nothing, you know, it feels naked, quite honestly, it's truly that. And what I am clear about is the change, I'd like to see, in my opinion, the change that I'd like to see come about, will only come from that level of vulnerability. I think I need to share in that way, so that there's better understanding. And then, and then together, we can move forward, because you're now feeling and seeing and I'm feeling and seeing, and it just doesn't happen in one direction. But it like, you know, I think an example of that is George Floyd's murder. I honestly think that took, I think of that time as like, the curtain being slammed open. I mean, in 11 minutes. Oh, gosh, eight minutes and 46 seconds, there was just this horror that sat in my personal deepest fears, and then other people who couldn't not see that. There this there was the shocking thing, I think, for people of color who've been saying these things happen in and then to see it happen so casually. We didn't get there in an instant. But now everybody is kind of angry or cowering their eyes like I can't not see that. How do we go back? And there's nowhere to go back to but my thought is how do we move forward with understanding and and with a realness? How do we keep our foot on the pedal moving forward, so as to make this better, even when for some that there's a propensity to want to go back to where it was safe, where it wasn't so ugly, that when it wasn't so ugly for who we are, it's time for everyone to stay in this so that we can move forward. I believe this is the ring of fire that we are moving through towards something that looks different and better. We do that by looking at it. We do that by naming it, calling it what it is. We do that by saying, How can I make for meaningful change? How can I How can I learn something so that I can be of good use? How can I come this body? this rigid body that wants to go do and fix? How can I prepare it for the long haul? for the long haul, because it's not a quick and easy fix.
Paul Zelizer 30:38
We have a lot of work to do.
Bernadette Pleasant 30:44
It's a long haul. And it is any long haul any race, any, any. Any journey takes preparing the body, the mind the spirit, so that we can be there through it.
Paul Zelizer 31:02
So let's do this in a moment. I want to ask you printed out like how you actually structured things like the grief ritual you do and other things at scale to help people and get prepared and how do you make your work as a business? Before we do that, I just want to take a quick break and hear from our sponsor. Do you have something that you'd like to grow, that's about making the world a better place, and you want it to move the needle in terms of both the impact you're having and your income so you could live a good life? If so, I'd like to talk to you a little bit about podcasting. As you might know, I'm a huge fan. I like to joke My name is Paul, and I'm podcast obsessed. One of the reasons I'm podcast obsessed, is because the average podcast episode is almost 43 minutes long. Think about that for a minute. Like on Instagram, if you do a meme, you might have 13 or 20 words. Or if you do a Facebook ad you might have like 13 seconds to get people's attention. How the heck do you do like a meaningful start a conversation in 13. Second, podcast listeners are a pretty unique bunch. And they're looking for depth and new ideas and innovation and intersections and nuance. And they are willing to hang in there with good podcast guests, who are giving meaningful, helpful tips on innovative, difficult, complex problems. In really authentic not over simplified ways. That is a pretty incredible opportunity. If you'd like to learn more about how you can use podcasting, either as a guest like burner that is being today. Or I happen to have the honor being a host you want to have your own podcast, or you want to do both our partners has a podcast success team will work with you every step of the way, helping you find great podcasts to be a guest on and how do you pitch them? And what kind of topics and how do you be a world class guest we have a master class that's literally called How to be a world class podcast guest or you want to start a podcast and all the technology choices and where do you host it? And how do you find great guests? If you're in how do you be a world class host, every decision you're gonna make on either side of the mic will help you out. So go check out the podcast success team at aware printers.com forward slash podcast dash success. And thank you to everybody who sponsors this podcast by being a member of the podcast success team. So in the second part of the show, prior to that, we'd like to joke about putting on our entrepreneur glasses and like, how do you do this work particularly at scale? Like for instance, you have something called the brief ritual. Our title today is healing brief through ritual and embodied practice is something called a grief ritual. Let's just start with what is the grief? The grief ritual
Bernadette Pleasant 34:07
is something that I do once every six weeks or so with wonderful human, Sara Nicks. And well, our our desire was to create a safe container where people could come in do what we could see was needed. And that was to grieve. It became aware to us that this is something we felt in our bodies. And I was trained to offer grief rituals through there. There's something that is done in Burkina Faso, and that is a grief ritual. I'd love to start how it began. So Bob also may have Burkina Faso came to California and she asked this question when She was here. She said, you know, what do you people do when you're breathing? And I just thought I always think that question is so funny because, you know, I can't imagine some of the answers She must have gotten when she asked that question to her community. I, you know, we medicate that shit.
Paul Zelizer 35:20
In America, you go to the bar, right?
35:23
You hide it,
Paul Zelizer 35:24
we don't talk about it, you do sex addiction, you do lots of things, right? We
Bernadette Pleasant 35:29
go shopping us, you gotta know, go, you run faster. I don't know, you did many things to push ups or whatever. But you know. But when she heard the different answers, she said, Well, that explains a lot. I thought it was incredible. But where she's from in Burkina Faso, they do. She said, there's a grief ritual going on all the time. So these people have a way of moving grief and acknowledging grief. And so I learned that system of creating that. That ritual, and it's beautiful. And it's, it's, I've never seen anything like it. It's incredible, and how one feels on the other side of it, even during it. You know, people don't expect that it you know, a grief ritual actually can end in celebration and joy. But when you move grief, when you acknowledge it, when you name it, and say, This lives in my body, and rather than trying to hide and you don't try to fix it, you're just aware of what it is. and it moves differently for every single person, as a facilitator that it was, it is such an honor and a gift to do that. So what we decided during COVID was not to use those practices, because quite honestly, it is created in such a way that we must honor that ritual that is not to be shared in a virtual sense. But Sara Nix and I decided we needed to do something because there is an there is a lot of loss, there's a lot of disappointment, there's a lot of change. And those three things are the the ingredients, if you will to grief, loss, disappointment and change. So we're seeing this, particularly during this time of the pandemic, and the heightened racism situations here in the end, and the political swell in nx that was going on in the US. And so just noticing all of this, we decided we had to do something and so we created a container, we simply put out, just invited people come for free. If this 90 minute experience speaks to you. We scheduled how we could hold this container. And basically we just brought our our hearts to this program, knowing that it's not about telling your story of grief. It's about creating a space where there is community of people who are gathering for the same topic, if you will, that have brief and in and to create the ritual around it giving people permission to do it however they do on camera off camera. We found out the very first time that my Zoom Room only held 100 I had no idea so many people would show up. I we quickly fix that because this is a topic. And I think because there are no really good examples of how to express this thing. This was a topic that we needed to we could see the need, we could see the need and so we would do it every six weeks. And more and more and more people came in they came from all over the camp all ages. And it can we just had one this past weekend we do it and it is it feels like a gift it it's sacred. And we are simply creating a safe container with we invite the elements and we invite answers to Sam we we now charge for it or do a suggested donation. It's sliding because people are in different places. That's part of what the grieving grieving is about loss of jobs, lost loss of resources, so many things are lost. And so we just kept building on this and I tend to work from the inside. out, I, like I need this. So let's, I think I can see the need for this elsewhere. Let's create. I found some people wanted to create a container for other people besides themselves that were not able to come in, they wanted a guideline. So I created a guidebook, it tends for me to come from within hearing what people are needing and asking for. And, and then I see how I can positively affect that. And I provide from that space. Some people wanted to do it privately rather than in group form. And, and so sessions are created where it can be done private. So there, it's I, I create out of seeds being planted, and my awareness of how my skill set might be able to help accommodate a need that exists.
Paul Zelizer 41:03
And touches a little bit. Earlier this week, in the US, we hit 5 million, I'm sorry, 500,000, half a million people died from COVID. We're probably under reporting for lots of reasons, it's really uncomfortable. So it's probably more than that. And so talk to us a little bit about that guy, cuz like, I so appreciate what you're doing. And if somebody you know, we'll put links to the grief ritual, go check it out. And if somebody is also thinking on addition to their personal level, they are a leader, we have a lot of incredible leaders who listen to this podcast, like oh my gosh, I would love to offer something like that to my community, this guidebook would be incredibly helpful. Tell us a little bit about the guide book and what's in
Bernadette Pleasant 41:48
the guidebook is this, how to how to set this precious container, what what your needs might be, so that you can set aside time It teaches you how to set that site time, what you know what devices or or people you need to turn off so that you can create this time for yourself. It is making an appointment an appointment, basically, excuse me a secret appointment that is made to just tend to your own tender heart, whatever condition it is. And just creating a sense of allowing and welcoming and spreading an opening for yourself. In the grief ritual, I often talk about cradling cradling your own heart, the part of you that needs to be held, what I do is create a step by step guide book right down to a playlist of music. So that as you are creating this container for yourself or another you know what's needed and how to, to go about to move through this whether you want to do it the news get to set the time that you want but I always recommend a spacious amount of time to treat yourself like a sleeping baby the way you might make amends for quiet anything around that might wake this baby up. It's It's It's just with that such care such as loving care towards this as this, this heart of yours. not ignoring it. Not saying it's not there, but just creating the soft space that it needs to be.
43:54
And,
Bernadette Pleasant 43:56
and then there's a discussion after walking through the steps. That's how important it is for aftercare taking care of the body. And just being gentle with it. The guide book takes people through that anyone can do it, if the requirements are kindness and compassion and time. So I do believe that with those components it is towards oneself or to any group that you want to create this for. And if someone wants guiding, then by all means I provide one on one sessions. But there's in group format, we follow the same principle, the same steps. They're just, it's through zoom. So it's not you know, in the privacy of one's own away from devices and what have you, but it's my desire that people just create this time for them selves and you know, do all the things light the candles do whatever is necessary to create this time for themselves, all this particular emotion needs is compassion and time. And that's something that's not often afford it
45:20
with our hearts,
Paul Zelizer 45:23
we put a link in the show notes to the guidebook and I really encourage your listeners go get the guide, but go check it out.
Bernadette Pleasant 45:30
One of the things I'm really proud of these days is I'm getting calls to hold this for private groups. And for me, I'm, I'm so glad to have gotten of late some corporate clients who are saying, Can you provide this for my leadership team? And that just blows me away? Because they are. And I, you know, I said, you know, are you looking for the corporate version of this? Because I don't do that. And is it? No, no, I don't think that's what's needed. So I'm starting to see that the people are acknowledging the were on the human spirit in a way that hasn't been done before. I'm grateful for it. Because I think as people notice, and are become very aware of what they're feeling, they're noticing others and what they're going through. And this is where I think we meet, where we are seeing each other not not as pushing and powering through. But we're seeing one another, I think this spreads kindness in the world. And I think that is so greatly needed right now.
Paul Zelizer 46:40
How cool that companies are calling you up, I know, we have a lot of leaders in more impact oriented roles and some in more traditional roles, but but we tend to attract the folks who care about relationships and the humans and understand emotional intelligence and how that impacts leadership and the whole company culture. That's who listens to this podcast, those folks have been reaching out, just I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted. Like, not only am I trying to manage my own psyche and emotions and spiritual energy, and my family, and I'm a leader in my church, or my social networks that are doing impact work, and there's people dying and conflicts happening and white supremacy and COVID and economic crisis, I'm exhausted, and for companies to say we want to provide our people with that kind of a depth resort, I get chills hearing that burn that
Bernadette Pleasant 47:38
I made, it makes me weep with joy, to hear that kind of attentiveness, May there be more of that. And for those of your audience are there, these these are people who are aware. And as we hold space and create, and have these containers for others, all the more the need to do that for ourselves, we need. We know that the self care is what helps us provide. And so there is I think during this time and increased amount of self care that needs to be poured in. Because our as as leaders in that way, there's a need to do more for ourselves so that we can give from overflow and not deplete ourselves.
Paul Zelizer 48:34
So, one of the reasons people listen to this podcast, Bernadette is because they, they they want to understand how you can do this kind of really transformational work. I think, listeners, you understand why I'm so excited to have Bernadette on the podcast like you check that box, right and I could talk to you all day about your transformational work, but I'll just say go check out the emotion Institute, go check out fam go check out 400 years, there'll be links to all that. They also want to know how our listeners aren't trying to have like a private jet plane rich or like a castle on the hill or private island, but how do you live well and provide for your family and be able to take a vacation and have what you need to have good health and, you know, buy new trail running shoes if you're a trail runner, like, right, like, you know, like just a good quality of life doing transformative work like you're doing and and you've really created something with the emotional institute that has had some staying power and there's some partnerships in place. You told me about one I'm not going to mention names but I'll just say it involves a very significant partnership and a lot of eyeballs. Right and a lot. A lot of eyeballs. Congratulations. I'm so excited for you, right. A lot of eyeballs. You've you've had the app tunity as an entrepreneur, that transformational depth based, impact oriented entrepreneur, to live a godly, left corporate, and you're still living a good life doing this transformational work, and that's probably the single biggest ask I get Paul, keep bringing in these awesome humans doing incredible work. And ask them the questions like, how did they build it? And what would they say for us? Who are sort of the next generation of transformational impact leaders? And we're building and and we're trying to crack that nut of how do we sustain a good quality easeful, financially, you know, good quality of life. Business, when the world is so complex, and there's a lot of noise out there, what would you say to that person?
Bernadette Pleasant 50:43
For me, what has worked is, and I. So I started off with them, Themis, this 90 minute movement of emotional release work that is done to live African drums, and I was doing that in person and then COVID in then I learned how to do that, reach through the screen and teach this thing online. And for that, I, I needed to adjust some pricing. Um, I then realize, well, I love one on one coaching, and I enjoy doing that, but there are only so many people I can coach, I have to be aware of my body and what's my energy level. So things at different price points, I'm paying attention to what is possible in me, that that I can create, I just created some African print, mass, base mass that have very different design on them, and you'll see them on the website. So I I'm doing that I'm starting now with an online course, I do some work with the shift network, they were there's a different things that I'm doing so that there are different income levels coming in speaking engagements, things that I can get paid for, I'm, it's important that for me, now, I'm loving the idea of residual income, I want things to come on when I sleep, I want to wake up to something that did not require my body every time in real time. So I, I've not only desire that for myself, but I've opened up I feel that there's always a need to give back I have some of your listeners may be interested in this. On my new website, we're having a platform where people who are doing work that make for in an emotionally healthy world get to put courses on our site, because there's a lot of traffic there, and a lot more coming speaking to that thing that you
Paul Zelizer 53:07
celebrate a
Bernadette Pleasant 53:09
lot of eyeballs. And so but not just that, but I I it's it's the How am I I'm creating different things. I'm also aware at different price points. Some are high, some are low, some have giveaways. And it's it's it's I just in awareness of staying. When I say say stay relevant, it's like what feels necessary what but and not always creating something, but you know, that mask thing that came about because I kept losing my mass. So I made something that ties around my neck, and then it's like, oh, it does different things. Why What do you know? And then someone asked me about something for the hearing impaired math, someone has a physical issue with an ear. They can't use the elastic. So I created it with strings. So there's an option, but that just deep listening to your body and what is said around you. And is there something there that that that that there's something it's interesting, is there's something really there that I can go towards in terms of turning into income in a way that brings pleasure to me because if it doesn't, it then it's drudgery. And for me it's just going to go nowhere. So it has to it has to I can't think my way into business. I never just grab a pen and paper and say okay, it's time to write out a plan. For me, it's what is my need? What am I seeing in myself or others? What are they asking for? Listen with your entire being. To not just that that are beautiful minds, but listen with your heart, with your gut with you with with your skin, listen to what feels needed, what is your body doing. And then and then and then create from a heart space. I find that when I do that, when I create from vulnerability that has been my greatest game changers and moneymakers
Paul Zelizer 55:41
lovelies that they're burning on thanks for sharing that. And listeners what I might just highlight there, you know about my spiritual highlighter, when I would circle as he said, having things at many different price points. So from for me, it's everything from a $25 a month where printers community membership to my one on one coaching which is you know, grown to be quite high end, I don't work with that many people these days one on one. So anyway, having a nice spread of things. And then I loved what you said about listening and being vulnerable and, and not trying to overthink the process. But really allowing yourself to pay attention to the depth and what you're hearing around. You couldn't agree more. Bernadette, thank you so much for that.
Bernadette Pleasant 56:28
Thank you. I you know, I want to mention this thing I mentioned that mask thing. So not being afraid to turn real situations into that, look, look at that. So I got an inquiry in the mass went on sale. A week ago, I got an inquiry from someone who said, I can't wear your mask because they have Alas, those elastic loops behind the ear. I only have one ear. And I read that email. And my assistant said, you know, do you want me to send to her, you know, we won't be able to change our design? And I said no, actually, I would love to talk to her. And so hours later I'm on the phone with this person. And I really wanted to understand. And I figured what she was asking for actually spoke to an issue I was having and that was like our little wrongness behind my ear. I then speak to my seamstress who's making it and we now a day later, have a new pattern that now not only helps this person with the ear, the one ear but it helps others. And and you it's the way you listen the way you think past think possibility. Dream, really, with without the you know the things that come in and say I don't know that's going to cost too much. Where am I going to get the money, but just just go there. Just allow it to happen. And then see how then what's possible, I then let her know when we had a prototype made. And now what's going to happen is I'm going to ask her, she'll tell a story about how this came to be for her. I'm going to ask I don't know what her response will be. But I'm going to ask I'm going to I'm going to ask and I've learned for me that asking has really made a difference.
Paul Zelizer 58:39
What a beautiful story for that I can hang out with you all day. But I wouldn't do that to you, our listeners, if there was something you were hoping we were going to get to in today's interview and we haven't touched on it yet. Or there was something you want to leave our listeners with, as we start to say goodbye and point them in the direction of all the incredible work you're doing on your website. What would that thing be?
Bernadette Pleasant 59:06
The thing is that I I touched on it just just now when I said to it's been an ongoing process for me an ongoing ongoing work for me to let go of my limitations. The things that say I can't, who am I to do that? You know, color, race, whatever all the things that are real. But they're, if I can, if I can the moments when I can just let them go and see dream into that place. There's there's there's something in that space. And it's my desire to stay in those spaces and that have longer into dreaming into the possibility before all of the the mosquitoes or nets come in and start to you know, give me secondary thoughts around that thing. But stay, stay with that, cultivate that. cultivate it, get turned on by it, I am very aware of what what is stirring in me. And if I can get an I mean turned on, if I can get turned on by it, there's something in there. And that's where I want to stay stirring in that stew of turn on. And creating from that place move your bodies ask am is that what else? What else is possible? What else is possible until you know, sometimes it, it seems like such a big idea. And then it's just strings on a mask. Sometimes it seems like the impossibility but in staying with it. And in avoiding those those things that will shut down our story or our dream. And staying with it. Staying curious staying in the turn on it all. Something very, very simple and needed and profitable, may fall out.
Paul Zelizer 1:01:11
Pretty good. Thank you so much for being on the show today. It's been fabulous having you here.
1:01:15
Thank you, Paul.
Paul Zelizer 1:01:16
For that for the time we have for today's interview. Thank you so much for listening. Before we go. Just a reminder, we love listener suggested guests and topics. If you have a topic or a guest that you think would be a good fit, go to the aware printers website and look on our contact page. And it has the three criteria. They're very simple, but we try to be very forthcoming. Here's what we look for. And take a look at that. And if you think you got a great idea, please please send it in. So for now, I just want to say thank you so much for listening. Please take really good care in these intense times. And thank you for all the positive impact that you're having in our world.